i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
