Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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