I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
