Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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