a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Randomize
