We're like a lot better than the average bears
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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