You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
and she was petting her beer can
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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