i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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