i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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