can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
