dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
