his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
