If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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