He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
