the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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