Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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