So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
