literally had 100 drinks last night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
