How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
