Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
