Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
