You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
