party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
