thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
