We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
