It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
