he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
