it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
