I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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