I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
