I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
