Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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