what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
