I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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