if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
