I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
