Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
