Pappa wants mamma naked
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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