In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
