I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
