I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
