I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
