I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Randomize
