I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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