Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
