a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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