I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
