Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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