OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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