Someone shit on the floor
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
