READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
